Ask Christina – Two Maids (or Matron) of Honor
I got an email the other day from a maid of honor, who is actually a “co- maid of honor.” Let’s call her MOH1. MOH1 has helped plan some weddings for her other friends, and therefore her BFF has asked her to be an MOH. MOH1 and MOH2 (the other co Maid of Honor) recently went to a venue meeting and a dress shop together and MOH1 thinks MOH2 is crazy! MOH1 is frustrated and thinks the bride should put only one of them in charge. Here is MOH”s question:
Have you ever worked with two maids of honor? and has it ever worked? My friend actually told me that she wanted me in charge because her other friend is drifty and wants to spends tons (where as im organized and thifty). What are your thoughts? I almost want to quit before I start because of this crazy MOH.
Yes, we have worked with two Maids (or Matrons) of Honors before and we have not had any issues. Particularly when having a professional wedding planner, any issues with Bridesmaids are not really “wedding” related, and more issues of jealousy or competition. Because the Bride had cHill Weddings as their planner, the bridesmaids were just sounding boards and really were able to enjoy their time strenghtening their friendships with the Bride and each other.
MOH1, I suggest the following options to you if you want to stay sane and not hurt MOH2 or potentially hurt your relationship with the Bride.
1) Speak with your BFF and ask her what role she sees you playing. If she wants to you be her planner, then offer to be her planner, but you can’t also be a Matron of Honor. A good planner separates her/himself from the wedding party. If she does not want you to be her planner but be a Matron of Honor, then be the supportive friend and just guide her with some of the expertise you have gathered while planning some other weddings, and your own. This also means being a team player and being the bigger person, regardless of how MOH2 acts.
2) Suggest to your BFF to hire a professional wedding planner. This way, it relieves any pressure from you and MOH2 (and any other bridesmaids) and everyone can focus on just being friends and playing nice. Remember, you still have bridal showers and bachelorette parties to plan. Wedding planners don’t usually plan these events, so you may want to focus your energy planning and executing these events with the MOH2 instead of worrying about the wedding as a whole.
Remember, this is the Bride and Groom’s day and no matter what the Bride may tell you, she asked both of you to be her Maid and Matron of Honor because she cares deeply for you both. So be courteous and nice, and offer advice when the Bride asks for it. You two are clearly very different people and that’s okay. Try not to complain too much to the Bride as this will stress her out even more. If the Bride clearly does not want MOH2 to help with any planning, then suggest to her to discuss this with MOH2 directly. Best advice, don’t get involved, or in the end, you will look like the bad guy. Always think in your friend’s interest first, even if it means you have to sit on your hands to prevent slapping someone.
MOH1, I hope this helps! Good luck!